So I've been reading through a new devotional series on the She Reads Truth website. The series is about God's promises. It's been four days since the plan began but it has been so on point for me.
As we know, I am a recovering uberplanner. I'm learning to be more relaxed and spontaneous. I think I've been doing better, but sometimes I fall off the wagon. It's a process.
Lately I have been obsessing about finances. I've not had a full-time job for over a year. I have a part-time job during the school year and have worked on several freelance projects. While the income from these is welcome, it has not covered enough of a difference to fully meet our monthly expenses; therefore, we have been using our savings bit by bit. At this point, our savings might last another two months. If I don't have more income coming in to make up the difference by then, I'm not sure what we are going to do.
Realizing this after doing some calculations two to three months ago (uberplanner strikes again!), I began searching for a full-time position. I really feel I need one that allows me to work from home because my kids are still in school and there are school breaks, inservices, snow days, etc. to worry about. That and the fact that my oldest is too old for traditional daycare and we can't afford traditional daycare at this point. Ironically, I considered daycare, which would allow my youngest to come on those days and summer break, but my oldest would still be unaccounted for.
As the school year got closer I began to get more anxious. I read over a friend's blog and came across this: "Would you rather have the blessings you can CONTROL or the ABUNDANCE of blessings God desires to pour out?"
The statement gave me pause and reminded me that I need to get back on the wagon.
I am trying to follow God's guidance in the search. I know He says to trust in Him, but I also know I can't ask for something and not put in some work to make it happen. Things aren't necessarily going to fall in my lap.
I'm trying to be patient and learn from the experience. I am trying to discern what God wants me to do. I am trying to have solid faith and remember that God has my back. I'm trying to put in my works to exercise my faith but am unsure if I am doing too much...or not enough. I'm trying, but...
A friend recently stopped me and asked if everything was okay because I seemed down. I think preoccupied was probably more like it. Thinking of the situation we are in and dealing with a health issue (which my husband thinks was brought on by stress) had my mind elsewhere.
Enter the series on promises.
I read through the comments that are posted after each devotional and one really struck a nerve. The writer quoted Jeremiah 29:11: For I KNOW the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you and EXPECTED end. (Her emphasis). She further writes "He KNOWS" and references a question posed by a professor she had in college: "Has it ever occurred to you that nothing has ever occurred to God?" He already knows where you are and where you are going. She continues with "There is an EXPECTED end." This meaning God already knows our end is totally prepared for it.
But are we?
We can be, if we learn to be patient in the process.